Bill of NO Rights
We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help
everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots,
keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt
free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more
time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt
ridden, delusional, and other liberal bedwetters. We hold these truths to be self-evident:
that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that
they require a Bill of No Rights.
ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big
screen TV or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally
acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.
ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended.
This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone
- not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the world is full of idiots, and
probably always will be.
ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from
harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not
expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.
ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and
housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will
gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of
subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who
achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of
professional couch potatoes.
ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care,
regardless of what Hillary thinks. That would be nice, but from the looks of
public housing, we're just not interested in public health care.
ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm
other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone,
don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.
ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions
of others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other
citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together
and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big
screen color TV or a life of leisure.
ARTICLE VIII: You don't have the right to demand that our
children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching
conscience. We hate oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop you
from going to fight if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting
the entire world and do not want to spend so much of our time
battling each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny
hat.
ARTICLE IX: You don't have the right to a job. All of us
sure want all of you to have one, and will gladly help you along in hard
times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of
education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.
ARTICLE X: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an
American means that you have the right to pursue happiness - which by the
way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of
idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of
Rights.
If you agree with this Bill of No Rights, I strongly urge
you to forward this to as many people as you can. No, you don't have to, and
nothing tragic will befall you should you not forward it. We just
think it is about time common sense is allowed to flourish - call it the age of reason revisited.
Lewis Napper 1993.
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